He is no friend of mine! I seen a picture of him and he was pretty average in the looks department. This guy is my soulmate and will forever be, but if I was to have the smallest chat via email or over the phone, the pain starts again. He has multiple relationships and always has drama. and they know exactly what they are doing they know right from wrong, good from bad Now, I dont know if that unhappy look was due to the way I lookedlike he might have been thinking..damn! I was, am, the scapegoat. For the life of me, I cant figure it out. That judge has no clue the abuse and the wreckage that woman had done to me! In any case, tiredofliars8 and I sound like we went through a lot of the same kinds of things with a very similar personality type. He feels comfortable confiding in me and its like getting into the head of a Narc. This can happen until the passage of time breaks the chemical bond to them. He could be very supportive and I joked that he was a woman whisperer a kind of guy that there was some reciprocity there he could listen just as well as he would talk. Thank you. He probably is out having revenge fun now. Anonymous, I think Kim is right. Cry, scream, get up, hug ur son, cry some morethere will be months of crying and feeling good then feeling bad again, missing him. He seemed to need to be perceived as perfect in my eyes. So now everytime since then when someone comes to my door, I dont answer it unless i know who it is. Once they know you are on to them, they will do everything possible to shut you up. I can tell you that for the three months that she pursued me, I was not always at her beckon call. Thanks. Now when i am so called happy and dont need him. They arent, so they have to undo you like a fly in a spider web and make you feel as crappy as they do. 5. And secondly, its YOUR life, your emotions and your risk at stakenot theirs. Here are 10 things a narcissist does when you start to use No Contact with them: 1. The first time we have no contact for such a long time. So, Im fairly certain hes done with me. In response to Jills comment, Oct 10 at 9:31 PM, Jill, there was something broken in them that we wanted to try and heal or at least help them through. Of course, there is still a lot to doubt and discuss. Through talking with friends and learning about the situation i am in, i believe i will and can brave the storm. Thank you for this.. Dear Ellen, Before I learned about narcissism, I just couldnt understand his Jekkyl and Hyde behaviorIve been four months no contact, and he hasnt tried to contract me once, which hurts me a lot, even thought I should be happy. And yes they can carry on affairs for many years without getting caught. he really believes he loves me. To make sure you know that her behavior had NOTHING to do with you. The intention of the N now is to quickly reinvent himself - like a . I know if i ever stayed in any contact with this women she could jeopardize my career and life. Very clear for the first time. Much appreciated. Im not sure he actually paid attention to what I looked like, but one thing is for sure, I didnt look like that all the time when we were together. My question would then be will I have to spend the rest of my life worried that hes just curious about me and so will feel entitled to stalk me online (i.e. Women can be Narcissists too and it is just as traumatic to a man as it is to a woman. I decided I had enough, and went and filed for a restraining order for dating violence. Often my thoughts and actions at home and work do not make sense now; and some are illegal, unethical, and stupid. But I recovered it. He doesnt work their anymore but I know that number well since he use to phone me from work. Whether a narcissist discards you permanently depends on three basic factors: Whether they have an alternative source of self-esteem building narcissistic supplies. He also allowed an ex (who lived in another country) to keep believing that she had a chance with him. They are Masters at the art of manipulation. I think he knows it on some level because he works so hard to be different and spiritual. His kids are apparently very well behaved, and maybe he deals with her much like he does his kids. He is dangerous and a terrible human being. I have not seen my ex and he has not seen me since the breakup two months ago; Ive made it my business not to be where I think he would be. Patricia, the very fact that youre concerned you might be a Narcissist is proof that youre not. For me its only a week. Only now accepting that I was one of them too. The time line fits the puzzle. I found it odd because 1) We haven't talked 2) He doesn't follow me on Insta, so he deliberately has to go to my profile just to see the Story. After those promisses with tears in his eyes? Its been a monthly ST recently. So interesting to read everyones stories. I am trying to encourage a relationship between him and kids. There is also a fear of what comes next when they arent returning as expected because we dont know who we are anymore without the narcissist in our lives. The high you get with them is fantastic. To try to avoid manipulating situations for my sole benefit and playing on peoples weaknesses, which I conceded Im fairly good at but no narc master. I guess it just takes a lot of time to heal. So, back in January my best friend and I were inseparable and she was always at my house or is there. His cold and indifferent. Reclaim your inner power, disarm the narcissist, and finally stay congruent with your wish for a healed life! Its difficult to comprehend that the person I was with was an imposter. They are very good at deflecting it back on you. She actually DID seem to have a caring heart at times. Always bending over backwards to make time for me, make my career aspirations come true, a listening ear. Gotta be honest, sounds like the same line of bologna that Narcs learn in their secret society. They are so patient like a wild animal waiting to strike. I couldnt handle this so I blew up, he left me the second time over this woman, we divorced that year, he said he had fallen out of love with me because I had become this crazy non trusting woman, and I had hurt him to the poin that something had snapped inside. He then had to find something wrong with me and started to turn my like upside down, I am angry but I am healing. He spend hundreds/thousands of dollars. I dont acknowledge her birthday or anniversary. She hasnt shed a tear since I walked out after finding out about the affair. keep tabs on me)? Why? Make a daily plan to keep busy The only reason I have any kind of contact with him is enough time has passed, I know he tried, he still makes me laugh, he admits he fits the Narcissist label, he is respectful to me and he treated me very well in between his Narc episodes. A real narc may [emailprotected]** admit their fault, practically in the same breath taking back any, (or placing all the blame on nouns outside of him/herself) responsibility for the dysfunction in the relationship. Because narcissists only connect with people who provide narcissistic supply. Even the Bible says to not even eat with these people and dust the sand off your sandals and dont look back. We should have a LAT relation. If the narcissist was the one to end it, he or she might have cut us off, as if we never existed or mattered. I was always the one who would make first contact. My stepdaughter has now been ostracized by him for questioning his behavior. We maxed out my credit. Thank you. It took me stepping away from them and living at a greater distance from them, despite loving them unconditionally, to see the madness. Sally. Reading Suggestion: How Dating a Narcissist Changes You. The person Im with is a narcissist when I dont do one little thing its all over he says hes moving out hes told me he was going to leave like 20 times but doesnt go anywhere hes 50 Im 39 . A narcissist will always return to an ex-lover to ensure that his narcissistic supply still pines for him and that she never moves on from the pain he has caused her. He started working wit friends in a MLM type setting which would take him to shows and took him to Sturgis, I later found out the woman he complained of the whole entire trip stayed with him and 2 others in a trailer, her clothing consisted of ass-less chaps and artistic paint for her breasts. At this point, my no contact on him was 36 days. This statement shows the true colors of a narcnot whether or not they are guilty of what you accuse them of as they will never have a real discussion about thatbut now they are the victims of you unfairly saying they are abusive and tarnishing their fake reputation. He has given you NOTHING and is just TAKING. Instead, my advice would be no contact, forget him and find something that could love you back. Pictures of them in her bed and how much of a man he was between the sheets. thank you, how do I survive Narc mother convinced entire family including my kids I am no good since no contact with her I am very sad. Its important to let others know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I tend to think it was an act of self-preservation. This is how clever they are. As you can imagine, narcissistic jealousy leans more towards the negative side of things. They get tired of it and i lost my best friend because of this. Yes, I truly thought she may have been my soul mate after all, although even then I was skeptical at how extremely clingy she was. You cant imagine how many of us went (or are still going) through the same hell as you This blog is one of the best I have ever found since I woke up in 2007, for reliable, thorough, and most of all not judgmental info. I can switch off. -Kristen. I told him that I was sick. I find myself wondering if he learned anything from this, or wondering if he misses me sometimes. He is very matetialistic, but about to lose everything because of his lack of accountability. But basically, its a low and painful blow that knocks the wind out of you and may take you out of action for a few hours. You cannot have a healthy relationship with a Narc. After Cara, Im sorry for all the sorrow youve experienced. Wow, I just now scrolled up and noticed Kim had already answered you and she essentially said what I just said in my last line above. The pendulum. And, as the mother of two children, my pain doesnt end because now they have to see him by law and I know he is slowly doing his damage to them and they will end up in therapy like all of his other kids. It surprised me, thought she was married to the guy she lives with. She may return days, weeks, months or years later, depending on her needs. Its only in a weak moment when he has some contact with his heart that he contacts you. That is what I meant when I say this type is often harder to get over. Im sorry this happened to you/us. I was never allow to go to his house because his neighbors hated me, etc. and the list could go on and on.. Then the telephone bill came in for the phone I gave him, here I saw he was communicating with 3 different women plus me. You stated that Narcissists are never happy. He is so predictable. Am happy and dance and sing now. Want to know more? He has found another source of supply for himself 2. . I didnt make a scene, closed the door and broke down in tears! Im just wondering how to handle a narcissistic man who has to be in my life due to my child. Id never been to her house But he always had something nasty or condescending to say. Mine started calling less, being very distant and ambiguous. I too had been in a relationship with a narc for 2 1/2 years. He still wants to see our son and have joint custody but he is so sure that things between us are over because he says I am crazy and abusive. Forgot to include how important the No Contact is. They avoid spending time with you, especially in public. So i tekst hey everything ok? A narcissist will never allow you to escape, let alone figure them out. Granted, we spoke on the phone all the time, but you see what I am getting at. 2 years into the relationship I found on facebook that he had moved in with one of the women on the telephone bill. In my opinion one of these should be renamed. I will definitely visit him now. She said never to contact her again. Thats normal. The love-bombing stage is over. That's exactly what my histrionic disordered ex said to me. It eats me. All the females that I know who were involved with Cameron except Kym, have gone the no-contact with him now and we are all communicating with each other as a kind of support group to maintain this no-contact. This lady told me that this person who was a past love (its him by all descriptions), although it may seem that his circumstance has changed externally, internally, emotionally and mentally, nothing has changed. btw he too found out about their affair later, after he was deported. [] Narcissists must have a source of supply for their survival. And it will be if you go back. And ONLY in the beginning. Even though youre no longer together, the narcissist wants you to remain broken, and theyll do everything they can to bring you back down to the level of inferiority they believe youre supposed to be at and stay at. Meditate twice daily for at least 15 minutes Im down to less than 100 pounds Im about to lose everything I got and he takes my fight to survive and I have to survive my kids mean more than anything and keeping their home and me being happy. Yes, Kim is right, the label doesnt matter, but the healing is important. It took this woman repeatedly telling me that I was abused for me to get it. I got extremely frustrated with his ambiguous, incoherent behavior, his cavalier attitude and thought he was acting in a cowardly manner and told him so. I can certainly see that point of view and I have no doubt that this is mostly unconscious in those who are non-malignant. And every time I think to myself a real narcissist would never apologizewould never admit his frailty. But once I pick him upremind him of his valuetell him I believe in him and see his strengthits only a matter of days or weeks before he finds a reason to fight and the silent treatment begins. I lived for this sparesome moments to see in his soul. They will convince others that you're the bad person. This and her finally admitting it was her ex in the car broke me. Answer (1 of 23): If your ex is a narcissist, she believes that you and all of her victims are possessions that she can pick an use and hurt anytime she wants. This thought helps me in my recovery because it gives me all the answers I need. I just need to share this as I feel lost sometimes, but on the right path.I wanted to share this, as I am scared of my ex. chaotic and out of orderThank God i was one of the lucky onesI survived ! Oh, and I want to be the first to say that my experiences pale in comparison to some women who have posted here and on other sites. I know that my exs new minion is seeing the truth now firsthand. Knowledge is power! By the time my second child was born zero affection, intimacy the mask started to fall and he knew that I knew! He told me he knew this but that it was a flight and it never will last long. i dont know how you maintain limited contact with him. He now has stalked and harassed me to no end. 3 years takes my money my water bill is due and I have no way to pay it and he knows I can afford and reconnect fee. I must say this. For Someone so fantastic and beyond you. Whatever you decide to do, I hope you find peace and the strength to forgive yourself for the things you have done and to move forward with this new insight into yourself so that you begin to recognize that its never too late to strive to be your best self. This morning I was talking about inequality issues with a school setting, and some research I thought would apply. I ran over and tapped on the window and was abruptly told to go away and the guy in the drivers seat was her brother. To my core. Does anyone have any tips on getting over a narcissistic ex? The narcissist knows that as soon as their current relationship fails, theyve got someone to run to who is willing and waiting to take them back. My narc has ignored me for 9 months until last week when he approached me about our home. I was highly driven to obtain research results not for my gain, but for society in a highly competitive field. I see signs that I never would have recognized before my own experience. I dont really understand why its so easy for her to just up and leave. I wouldnt dare to diagnose your woman, just an opinion( Ive been/am in what is known as Psychopathic Mob 7 people (how about this?)). Be strong and do not let anyone undermine or control you. All I can hope for w/ my NPD/BPD is that Life serves him a cold dish of karma, and perhaps a nice swift kick right where he needs it, so the he wont be so obsessed w/ funstuff, or play a person like a toy for a long, long whileand I hope Ill be around to hear about it. 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