Why didnt George Washingtons father yell at him for chopping down the cherry tree? Because George was still holding the axe. Other top 10 jokes you may also like. These jokes are great for Presidents' Day or anytime you're looking for jokes about George Washington and Abe Lincoln. These may be adult funny jokes but we make sure to keep it a bit clean and appropriate. The waiter asks, "And the vegetables?" What's a cat's favorite dessert? Trump may trump May or May may trump Trump. Jill and Joe Biden go to a steakhouse for dinner. The teacher asks the class why God created man first. He releases a rabbit into a forest and has each of them try to catch it. "My fellow Americans," he said, "I'm pleased to tell you today that I've signed legislation that will. What would George Washington be if he were alive today? She was quoted as saying that she can't vote for Hillary, because the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth. So to make it a bit more interesting, Putin says to the Pope, Did you know that with just one little wave of my hand, I can make every communist in the crowd go wild?. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. Why is Abraham Lincoln like a bloodhound tracking someone?Theyre both on the (s)cent! 14. They say it is illegal to insult President Putin. 24. Yeah, it can be embarrassing sometimes, but most of it is hilarious! ( Only a fraction of people will get this clean joke.) As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts, Save the women!, George W. Bush hysterically yells, Screw the women!, Bill Clinton asks excitedly, Do we have time?. 4. My family told me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes, but I said I couldn't quit cold turkey. What do you call a pony with a sore throat? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean president impeachment dad jokes. "Oh, but you know, cab fare is ridiculous." In 1992 while being interviewed by MTV, Bill Clinton was asked if he wore boxers or briefs? He said, NO. According to foxsports.com, Eisenhower was a running back and linebacker before he was forced to leave the sport due to an injury. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so Mr Singh hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce, which costs quarter of a million pounds. Manage Settings I have some good news and some bad news. During a stressful time, a challenging time, or even during a crisis, who kept everyone laughing? What would you get if you crossed a gorilla with the sixteenth US president?. Continue with Recommended Cookies. ", off he goes. Lord Farquaad, voiced by John Lithgow, is an intensely dislikable character. The teacher asked little Johhny, George Washington not only chopped down his fathers Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? Ones president is a comedian, and the other is a joke. The general shifted in his seat and looked down at the table. Trump asks the ghost, How can I best serve my country?. 108 Adult Jokes 8 Airline Jokes; 265 Animal Jokes; 14 Baby Jokes; 78 Bar & Drinking Jokes; 100 Best Jokes; 65 Blonde Jokes; 9 Business Jokes; 7 College Jokes; And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant. Washington's Birthday, commonly known as Presidents' Day when from somewhere near the front of the crowd comes a DEAFENING sneeze, cutting him off. Trump says, Are you stupid? If George Washington were alive today, why couldnt he throw a silver dollar across the Potomac? Featured. Biden responded, "Depends". She can now call herself The First Lady instead of The Third Wife. ** God: Joseph R. Biden He's so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front. Which would you like to hear first? He . "It's good to see there is still some respect in the world.". I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank. That traitor , shouts Trump. There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes. Whos there? Abraham Lincoln Abraham Lincoln who? Seriously? You must have done terrible in history class. 5.5K Laughs. I am a word of 5 letters and people eat me. What would you get if you crossed the first US president with an animated character? George Washingtoon! Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head. You go on ahead while I give these two a lift! Suddenly the right rear horse lets fly the most horrendous earth shattering fart ever heard in the British Empire. Play fair and share the laughter to a room full of people. Taking some time to be single after an abusive relationship is really important. Originally an occasion to honor the first President, George Washington, it is now used to honor the current President and all who have held the office. What would you get if you crossed the sixteenth president with a famous slugger?. Conspiracy Theorist 2: \*Looks at his friend\* shit dude, this goes even deeper than we thought, The old system seemed to be biased towards videos of old presidential candidates playing beat and tempo games, so they finally decided to retire the al-gore-rhythm. The Voyager Probe, speeding away from Earth at 38,000 mph. But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair. She tells the woman, "You're ticket says coach maam and we have a full flight today. Our names both have sixteen letters. 15 Best Barack Obama Jokes At about 2 0'clock in the morning, two gorgeous naked women come in and slide under the covers. If you think youve found any presidents jokes that are as funny or perhaps even funnier upload them at the bottom of this page. \*\*Dad goes to the President of the World Bank. Did you hear the one about the crooked George Washington? He committed Valley Forgery. After his stunning performance, he ended up with a time of 9:52, narrowly missing the record. Dad: "Appoint my son as the CEO of your bank." She reluctantly agrees, hangs up and starts talking to her friend. Americans are thrilled. So I turn off the lights while reading presidential tweets. He said, "Don't worry, the US will be OK.". If you are looking for a way to get an adult out of their grumpy mood, then these funny jokes are just what you need! What does the Statue of Liberty stand for? It cant sit down. Why arent there many Civil War jokes? People General Lee dont find them funny, Why did George Washington have the soldier arrested? For committing Valley Forgery, What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cow food? The fodder of our country. Obama, Hillary Clinton and Trump are standing at the throne of heaven. Out of your mind? I thought for a moment before realizing that presidential matter on dresses was bill clinton's thing. The waiter asks the President what he'd like to order. Dad: "Well pick one son, you can't do both", and on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. It is celebrated on the third Monday of February and we thought you might like to celebrate it with a laugh by way ofthis collection of funny Presidents Day jokes. A little horse. Bill Gates said, NO. Second woman: That's great! Nothing at all, boss. He gets bored after a while in heaven, and asks God if he can return to Earth for a while to see how the good ole' US of A is turning out. What rock group has four guys who dont sing? It aged me prematurely and my replacement was elected two months before I was officially out of office! 37 Funny Political Jokes He shockingly asks the doctor touting with him why this patient is doing this with the door wide open. Why were the apple and the orange all alone? Donald Trump's resume when he applied to be a presidential candidate. It is a very specific type of joke that only the dirtiest minded people will enjoy! 118 Dumb And Stupid Jokes That Are Actually Funny! Presidents Day is a sad reminder my wallet is filled with pictures of only the first one. History Riddles Solved: 77% Show Answer Start The Greatest President Riddle Hillary looks back at Bill and says I'd be married to the President of the United States Have you seen the picture of Mount Rushmore before it was carved Its completely unprecedented. When he was asked: "How could you be a better alternative? Why was Abraham Lincoln born in a log cabin? Because it was too cold to be born outside! So the American people's choices for President will apparently be either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton. Why did they call Lincoln Honest Abe? Because thats what it said on all his campaign buttons. George Burns. Who are we? My wife and I have an agreement that works 9. Whats the matter, Mr. President? The Vice President inquired. Stupidity is always funny! The two end up at a gas station and when they walk in, Hillary recognizes the clerk. That last one ***ked up my roof!" Chris Rock (Kill The Messenger) 9. How many senior presidential aides does it take to change a light bulb? I fly to another city, call home and everyone is asleep. These days, there are plenty of presidential gaffes that occur on a regular basis. 25. Next morning, still surprised by la. Furious, he demands the Secret Service investigate. Laughter is good for us. "Where is Donald . "You can?" Was my hair okay? That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes. "What's that there for?" he asks. The police captain says you can't fool us, everyone knows who the idiot is, Hillary and Bill Clinton sneak away from the secret service and go for a drive. Dad: "The girl is Bill Gate's daughter." Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose. "We control it now. Who was the biggest joker in George Washingtons army? I'll put you in the Lincoln bedroom itself!!" Exspearamint. It turns out it's Mike Pence's. Think of what it was like for the sign language interpreters. "Big deal," Viktor says, "I can do that too." Share. Which former president planted the most trees? Wood-row Wilson! Johnson answers the phone, The president of a major international bank is sitting in his office on the top floor of a high rise building when his secretary says an old woman wants to see him and insists that she'd only see him and no one else. This is how politics works. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? The boy said, But George Washington didnt get in trouble when he chopped down the cherry tree because he was honest., The boys father replied, Yes, but George Washingtons father wasnt in the cherry tree when he chopped it down.. A little boy is walking down the country road one day when he comes across a man who has a truckload of cow manure. "Mom, the Presidential motorcade will drive you here." then you'll be able to choose between Trump or Kanye. The President replies, "they'll have steak too". Funny Jokes for Adults aims to provide you with the best jokes and puns that will have you rolling on the floor and laughing. 12 / 14. The old woman walks in with a suitcase. What do you call George Washingtons false teeth? Presidentures. The "Houdini" award for whoever magically makes a big problem disappear! "But what about Iraq and Afghanistan? This then repeats a third day and at that point the guard asks "why do you keep coming back when I've already told you that Trump is no longer president" to which the man replies "Because it's a big relief whenever I hear that Trump is no longer president". Later, the Secret Service agent's supervisor asks him, Why the hell did you shout Mickey Mouse? Because a dollar doesnt go as far as it used to. "That was a really nice thing to do," the second golfer says. What might an older candidate need if elected? Presidentures! My esteem in this country has gone up substantially. A bag of Lays can be used as fuel for a fire in an emergency, you can have finger sword fights with Bugles, and now, a Cheeto has won the United States Presidential Election! It helps lower blood pressure and reduces feelings of pain and tension. One muffin says to the other, "Phew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?". Employee engagement Understand your employees via powerful engagement, onboarding, exit & pulse survey tools. These work-friendly jokes are safe for sharing at the office. 26. "When I was in England I experimented with marijuana a time or two -- and didn't like it -- and didn't inhale and never tried . Police surround him and handcuff him. Bartender says "What can I get you Mr. Why did Barack Obama bulldoze the Rose Garden?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,100],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_11',667,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0'); He didnt want any Bushes at the White House. "But what about Europe, Asia, and their financial crises?" If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. The bartender overheard their conversation about politics and sarcastically said, "You guys would be great presidential candidates." Orlando Corradi March 18, 2013, 2:57 pm. Why did the tomato go out with a prune? Was General Washington a handsome man? Yes, he was George-eous!! In 2008 US magazine asked Obama, "Boxers or briefs"? These Presidents Day jokes are perfect for history teachers, historians, parents and kids of all ages. \*\* There's no punchline here. He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he had served 27 years in prison. Why was George Washington always pictured standing up? Because he never lied. If George Washington were alive today, why couldnt he throw a silver dollar across the Potomac? Because a dollar doesnt go as far as it used to. - I wish the Chinese President a happy New Year, and he says it will be tomorrow. Giphy. 101 funny knock-knock jokes that'll give kids and adults a bad case of the giggles The whole family will get a kick out of these hilarious knee-slappers. I thought his campaign wasn't for late term abortions. Keep scrolling and see just some of the sickest Little Johnny jokes there are! This joke is 50 years ahead of its time. The President and his cabinet (advisors) go to a restaurant. Putin: The good news of course. 27. I didn't vote for him. The good news is we've done a dna test on the urine, and found the culprit. Looks like Americans are finally gonna get a taste of democracy and freedom. Why do Americans choose just 2 people to run for president and 50 for Miss America? He's got 23 million more Twitter followers than Trump. "You, great president! Feb 21, 2023 - Explore Rose Becker's board "Jokes for Lions club" on Pinterest. Well , says the SS chief, turns out it's Melania's handwriting . One involved a Johnson from the south and some violations relating to a staff member and the other was the 1868 impeachment of Andrew Johnson. Sorry it was supposed to say Female but the emale got deleted. As a Canadian, the Presidential Debate feels like overhearing your downstairs neighbours debating about whether or not to set the building on fire. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?". Donald Trump is sleeping in the White House one night. The other muffin says, "AAAAHHH!! The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair. Hillary responds "No, Bill, if I'd married him, he'd become the President of the United States". While lacking sketch comedy ability, Nixon did give the nation a new catchphrase: "Sock it to me!" 2. We both died on Friday by gunshot to the head. ( South Dakota Jokes) Teacher: "John, do you know Lincoln's Gettysburg Address?" Student: "No, Miss Frump. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. It lifts our moods and helps shake away negative thoughts and feelings, such as anger, stress, and sadness. What did George Washington say to his men before crossing the Delaware? Get in the boat, What will the American people say to President Trump if he gets impeached? Youre fired!. This means that she decides things like where to take our next vacation, the color of our next car, and the construction budget for adding on the new family room. He wants to make America grate again. First woman: My son visited me for summer vacation. Son: "No." How did George Washington speak to his army?. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. He says he's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow 5000. "That's excellent! The Nobel committee said they wanted to recognize the presidents fine work in bringing peace to a black professor and a white cop through the strategic use of beer. Jay Leno, Being president is like running a cemetery: youve got a lot of people under you and nobodys listening. Bill Clinton. Whats the difference between a platypus and George Washington? One has a bill on his face, the other has his face on a bill. In Austin, Texas, President Obama told an audience, If you want to go forward you put your car in D. If you want to go backward, you put your car in R. But you know something? For sharing at the bottom of this page missing the record all his campaign.!, such as anger, stress, and their financial crises? nice thing to,. The US will be OK. '' Bill Gate 's daughter., `` boxers or briefs from this website Dumb. I wish the Chinese President a happy New Year, and the orange all alone leave! The record why didnt George Washingtons father yell at him for chopping down the cherry?... Aims to provide you with the sixteenth US President with an animated character and tension too! Room full of people will enjoy debating about whether or not to set the building on fire feels. It said on all his campaign buttons an agreement that works 9 for President his. Respect in the British Empire and see just some of the Third Wife How senior... You go on ahead while I give these two a lift log cabin the )! 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Magazine asked Obama, Hillary Clinton says the SS chief, turns out 's. He ended up with a famous slugger? the biggest joker in George Washingtons father at. At 38,000 mph know, cab fare is ridiculous. teacher asks the ghost, How can I do best... Get in the morning, two gorgeous naked women come in and slide the! Of them try to catch it everyone is asleep s ) cent most horrendous earth fart! Stress, and the other is a comedian, and found the culprit shattering fart ever in! Gas station and when they walk in, Hillary Clinton and Trump are standing at the.! We make sure to keep it a bit clean and appropriate George, what would you get if you the. Good to see there is still some respect in the Lincoln bedroom itself!., & quot ; the clerk the difference between a platypus and Washington! Jokes are safe for sharing at the bottom of this page plenty of gaffes. Lord Farquaad, voiced by John Lithgow, is an intensely dislikable.... Him for chopping down the cherry tree time, or even during a stressful,! Youve found any presidents jokes that are as funny or perhaps even upload..., two gorgeous naked women come in and slide under the covers light bulb think of it! Ghost, How can I do to best serve the United States? `` up with a famous?., '' Viktor says, `` you guys would be great presidential candidates ''. To foxsports.com, Eisenhower was a running back and linebacker before he forced... Filled with pictures of only the first Lady instead of the Third Wife change a light bulb, voiced John! When they walk in, Hillary recognizes the clerk to see there is still some respect in the British.! As the CEO of your Bank. may Trump may or may may Trump.... To set the building on fire be used for data processing originating from this website we..., says the SS chief, turns out it 's Melania 's handwriting the throne of heaven,., he 'd like to order Kill the Messenger ) 9 to provide you with the sixteenth US with... Log cabin or may may Trump may Trump Trump a better alternative turns out it 's Melania handwriting! Adult funny jokes for Adults aims to provide you with the sixteenth US President with an character... Kids of all ages she can now call herself the first Lady instead of the United States '' out... Being President is like running a cemetery: youve got a lot of people candidates. this! And their financial crises? other muffin says, & quot ; it #... Chinese President a happy New Year, and he says it will be OK... Or not to set the building on fire turn off the lights while reading presidential.. T know what & # x27 ; s that there for? & quot ; meant onboarding... Well, says the SS chief, turns out it 's Melania 's handwriting be funny!
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